I deal with demons daily. I find the bad in everything so I can accept the bad in me. I was the little girl who learned fast that monsters didn't hide under the bed, they were the people who came in your life and were able to orgasm while stealing your tears with their lips and the adolescence from your core. I realize that men and women in capes couldn't save the world, superheroes are not real. I was the teenager who chose self harm over talking to someone. I believed that throwing up what I ate put me of a fast road to skinny.
But in all my growing I learned that the demons inside of me can't win if I dont allow them to. Razors wont take away anything that has happened, they just leave scars to remind me of that day. Throwing up is a horrible way to be skinny and weight doesn't matter to the ones that love you. Even though I don't love myself as much as I should, I do love myself enough to know that that'll hurt me more than anything else. Self Acceptance is key. And there are superheroes but they come in a different form. They are the mom that wont leave you alone when you're not in the right mind, the best friend that will hold you all night to keep you from crying, they're the ears that listen so you can get the hard things off your chest and out of your mind and the voices that tell you everything will be better and make you believe it.
All in all I'm just a small town, twenty year old girl who still doesn't know who she is, but who ever really knows who they are?
'If positions were switched and I was you and I had to listen to me talk about everything and everyone I've done, if I heard about the nightmares that wake me up and all the baggage I have, if I witnessed my mood swings and the way I talk to people when I'm angry…
I wouldn’t want me.
I wouldn’t want the extra.
I guess I’m saying I understand why you don’t love me.’
I heard this and about cried because it’s so true.