Loving someone that doesn’t love themselves is hard.
Trying to hate someone who you love is harder.
The last 8 years I’ve fought with myself wondering if I’d be good enough for this person or pretty enough for that person or smart enough for everyone.
Sixth and seventh grade I fought my way through an eating disorder that no one seemed to notice.
Eighth and ninth grade I fell deep in love with xanax and self harm.
And tenth through senior year I straightened up raised my GPA a significant amount, graduated early and started college. Of course after dropping out I went through some more things. Which led to a night in my bath tub and everything from when I was a kid came back nothing felt right I was staring at a razor and all I wanted to do was die in tears not understanding why no one could love me… I started questioning my weight and my way of thinking and everything that makes me, me. I made that phone call and got a xanax an after sticking it in my vein I sat and thought about how much I improved my life and how being good enough for everyone wasn’t what I needed to be… but I didn’t know where to go from there.
Now at almost 21 years old I finally realized tonight that I need to be good enough for myself.
I stopped the drugs, I refuse to ever hurt myself again, I’m eating healthier and working out every day, I work my ass off doing something I love and I’m going back to school to go further in my career… I’m not where I want to be but I’m making a damn good start.
Maybe after I learn to love me and find myself at my best I will then be able to see people can love me.
So I guess the question is am I good enough?
I’m pretty enough not to look in the mirror and want to change my appearance just make it healthier. And I am smart enough I know this and I have no one to prove that to. But everyone will see :) So I guess you could say I’m getting there
He wants to say ‘I love you’ but keeps it to ‘goodnight’, because love will mean some falling - and she’s afraid of heights.